


November 7th

by StackerPentecost



Series: November Writing Prompts [7]
Category: Marvel, The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Frank Likes to Jump in Front of Bullets, Hurt Frank Castle, Implied/Referenced Mental Illness, M/M, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 22:26:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16543466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StackerPentecost/pseuds/StackerPentecost
Summary: Frank doesn't think twice before putting himself in danger to make sure Bucky is okay. Bucky, however, is less than amused. He's had about enough of self sacrificing heroes.This is for a November Prompt List.This prompt was: Priorities. Originally this prompt was for the 31st, but there is only 30 days in November so I switched them.





	November 7th

“What in the hell were you thinking?”

Bucky paced back and forth across the length of the room, trying to ignore the stench of bleach and death that always permeated hospitals. His hands clenched and unclenched at his sides and he resisted the urge to kick or punch something. 

Honestly, right about now, he wanted to punch Frank.

It had to have been a long time since Frank was laid up this bad because he was scowling more so than normal. That was saying a lot, considering Frank’s calm expression was a scowl. His arms were crossed over his chest and he was staring forward, refusing to look at Bucky. It made Bucky even more angry. He was acting like a scolded child, not like someone who was currently in the hospital because he was a self sacrificing dumbass.

  
Bucky wasn’t sure his sanity, what little he had anymore, or his nerves could handle another one of those in his life. 

Bucky stopped, pivoting on one foot to face Frank head on. “I asked you a question. What in the hell were you thinking, Frank? You could’ve died.”

Frank’s upper lip twitched like he wanted to bare his teeth. “You were the priority.”

“I was the priority?!” Bucky burst out, waving his arms out wildly in a gesture of disbelief. “That’s the stupidest goddamn thing I have ever heard in my goddamn life and I’m ninety fucking years old! ‘I was the priority!’ Frank, you got shot!”

“I was wearing armor.”

“Not on your head, you dipshit!” Bucky was positively seething. “You were shot in the head, not once, but twice before! The first time, there was a fucking DNR order on you! The second time you never even got it checked out! And now you have a fucking concussion! Not to mention what I’m going to do to you when they let you leave! I should kick your ass from here to the Statue of Liberty! Then maybe next time you won’t take a page out of Rogers’ playbook and pull shit like that!”

Frank was quiet, his shoulders silently shuddering up and down. His head was wrapped in guaze and the left side was bloody. The bullet had lodged in his skull but not broken anything or damaged his brain. Bucky hadn’t known that after it happened. All he could remember was the shot and then Frank was on the ground, completely still, blood pooling around his head like some sort of macabre halo. The rest between there and the hospital was a blur.  

“You were in danger.”

Bucky blinked, pulled from his thoughts. “What?”

Frank squeezed his eyes shut, his jaw clenched so the veins stood out. “You were in danger.”

“I’m in danger all the time, Frank. That’s what we do.”

“He had a gun to your head!” Frank shouted, gripping the edges of the bed until his knuckles lost their color.

“So what?!” Bucky shot back. “If I was gonna die, then I would have! I’ve lived for almost a century and I’m sure the world would be better off without me staining it every time I walk out the damn door!”

Frank felt those words hang in the air between them, suffocating him. He felt sick and not because of the way his head kept throbbing every time he made any sort of movement.    
  
“I thought we’d gotten past that.” He finally managed.

“Like we’re ever going to get past something like that.” Bucky responded bitterly, turning to walk over to the window and look out over the city.

“You can’t do that. You’re not allowed to do that. Because you would’ve done the same damn thing for me if the positions had been reversed.”

“Because you’re not a supersoldier, Frank! You’re skilled, but you have your limits.”   
  
Bucky heard Frank laugh to himself, an ugly, sharp sound. “Right. I forgot that’s how it is. You can play hero, the Winter Soldier, White Wolf, whatever the hell you wanna call yourself. But I’m just your goddamn sidekick. You watch my back because you’re obligated, because in your eyes I’m innocent. But when it comes to your safety, there is no such thing. Because in the end, you are just like Rogers in that you care about other people, especially innocent people more so than you could ever care about yourself. But you forget, I have friends too. And the guy that’s like you, he’s so focused on being the hero, the Captain America type, on paying for his supposed sins, that he doesn’t care about anybody he’s close to, least of all himself.” He shook his head, even though Bucky couldn’t see him. “You hate yourself but others aren’t allowed to feel the same. You get close to people, but push them away because you’re so wrapped up in your calling. And you don’t care about yourself or your safety at all, because you believe you’ve done so much wrong that it’s almost God’s way of restoring balance that you should die, especially in service to other people.” Frank wished so desperately that he could get rid of the raw ache in his chest that throbbed like an infected cut. “I forget that I mean nothing to you. That the reason you want me alive is not because you care about me, you only care because I’ve never done anything wrong in your eyes and therefore are a life worth preserving. Not because who I am, not because I’m Frank, but because I’ve got a beating heart and have never killed someone who didn’t deserve it.”

Bucky didn’t answer. Frank didn’t expect him to, but it didn’t make the silence that followed any easier.

“You should’ve let me bleed to death. Anything would be better than having to look at you and know that all you’ll ever feel for me is a moral obligation. Death would be better than watching you destroy yourself.”

Frank sighed when he again received no response. Sighing, he carefully laid back against the scratchy hospital pillows and tried to block out everything around him. That was why when Bucky spoke, he almost didn’t catch it.

  
“How do you want me to feel about you?”

Frank was confused. “What? What do you mean?"

“You said you didn’t want to live knowing you’re just a moral obligation to me. What do you want to mean to me?”

Frank heaved another sigh, too tired for this. “It doesn’t matter, not one damn bit. So just forget it.” He carefully rolled onto his side so when Bucky turned around, he was facing away from him. 

“Well, you should know that I don’t see you as a sidekick and I don’t want to protect you out of obligation either. It’s my fault for making you think that and I’m sorry.” 

Frank heard him move, felt the weight settle on the edge of the bed. “And you’re right, I have a hard time caring about my own safety, especially considering what I’ve done. But I think you have the same problem. I think a lot of us who try to help people have that problem.”

Frank heard more movement, the sheets being moved and didn’t understand what was going on until Bucky was suddenly plastered against his back, forehead leaning against his shoulder and his metal hand came to rest on his hip. He didn’t do more than that, perhaps wanting to see how Frank would react.

When Bucky spoke, his voice came out shaky. “I worry about you like I do, get mad when you do things like the thing you did today, because I can’t stand to see you gone. Because sometimes, you’re the only reason I bother trying anymore. Because you never treat me like Rogers. Even now he acts like I can’t handle the truth about things or that every single thing might trigger me or that I can’t enjoy anything mildly violent. So many times I can’t live up to his expectations, but with you, there is none. It’s just us and a cramped apartment and doing what we know how to do best. But..” The hand on his hip laid against his skin and pulled, making sure every bit of them that could touch, did. “I could never get through seeing you die. Never. I’ve been trying to get better and I know you have too, but that doesn’t change the fact that I am a torn up, bleeding, broken piece of shit on the inside and the one person that understands that more than anyone else is you, Frank.” 

Frank felt the hand on his hip quiver ever so faintly. Biting his lip, he placed his hand over it, threading his fingers through metal warmed by his skin. He wasn’t sure what to say, where to begin. But he let himself enjoy the weight against his back, the reassurance that all this wasn’t some petty crush he’d developed to cope with being on his own.

“You’re it for me.” Bucky added, almost too soft to hear. “You make me feel human.”

Frank exhaled before he carefully rolled himself back over, so they were face to face. He couldn’t meet Bucky’s gaze, but it was a start. “I’m sorry,” He murmured, “I shouldn’t have been so reckless. But I-I saw you..and I panicked. Because as much as you can’t lose me, I can’t lose you. You are always the priority.”

“We’ve been reckless with each other.” Bucky reached to touch again but hesitated, his metal hand hovering. Frank caught the hand, guiding it to rest against his neck. Bucky’s thumb brushed his jaw. 

“I promise to try harder to not do things that put myself into harm’s way. Not because I think it’s easy and not because I really want to, but because I don’t want you thinking I’m going to go on a suicide mission everyday.”

“Then I promise the same, for you, so we can stay together for as long as this God forsaken universe will allow it.”

Frank huffed out a laugh. “I think I can live with that.”

As soon as he looked up, Bucky had cupped his cheek and kissed him and Frank found it felt like something they’d always been doing. They leaned into each other, trading kisses until they were both breathless. When they parted, neither went far, content to rest their heads together. 

It was a long time before either of them moved again.


End file.
